Don't Need No Elf on the Shelf

by The Mistleturds

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You need to hear "Don’t Need No Elf on the Shelf"! This song, by the Mistleturds, is just the anti-corporate, anti-surveillance Christmas anthem you’ve been looking for this holiday season!

Listen, download and share! Money from all sales go to Be The Match, which matches patients with donors for life-saving blood stem cell transplants.

bethematch.org

lyrics

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why

The elf is a snitch
His game is a lie
The elf is so sus
The elf is a spy

Santa is real
Santa is cool
The elf don’t work for him
He’s a corporate tool

He’s tracking your nice
Tracking your naughties
Tracking your clicks with
Christmas cookies

[No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time

No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time]

I just wanna hear
sleigh bells ring but
He’s created by
marketing

Surveillance elf
Don’t need you in my zone
Don’t think I like you watching me
Gettin weird at home

Wanna drink nog
With Ma and Papa
Eat gingerbread
With Uncle Ganja

Something ‘bout his smile
Is not quite right
I’m pretty sure it’s his farts
That wake me up at night

[No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time

No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time]

Its me and Santa’s
conversation
That spyware is
An abomination

Elf’s a peeping tom
Creepin in the manger
If you peep him
Shout “stranger danger”

The NSA sent
That conehead in red
I’m not paranoid ask
the voices in my head

The elf is a sham
his story’s a ploy so
Come on boys and girls and
Burn that evil toy

[No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time

No elf
No elf
Don’t need no elf
On my shelf at Christmas time

On my shelf at Christmas time

On my shelf at Christmas time]

Get the bell out my house

credits

released December 22, 2023
Lyrics/vocals - Blitzen Chimneycakes
Guitar - Tinsel Puddingkiss
Drums/mixing - Sweet Chillyfun
Kid's voice sample - Prancer N. Dancer
Cover art - Blitzen Chimneycakes (using Dall-e)
Cover art consultation - Fizzy Jigglefrost
Cover design - Gingersnap Moonlight

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